What can I add to my philosophy essay?

Other than the quotation, I would use slightly more professional language. Bullsh*t is not a particularly academic word to use. It is also very subjective. You have only approaced it from one perspective - yours. It would be helpful if you had an opening paragraph which outlined your argument and described what the essay trying to achieve. Follow this with your examples and arguments/discussion and finish up with a concise conclusion. You need to attach some course concepts to your points to illustrate that you understand what the course is about. Finally, and most importantly, you need to reference your research material. Where did you get your data etc.